Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
