Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
