A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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