Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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