we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
