dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize