i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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