I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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