She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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