He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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