Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
