I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
