You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
