he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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