Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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