The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Someone came in the potted fern
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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