I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize