Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
