What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
