I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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