whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
