how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize