I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I wear drunk well.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
