This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
