I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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