So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
