Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My ATM looks so different sober.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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