Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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