Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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