not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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