My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize