well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im holly from the hills drunk
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
