So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
