the condom got lost in my hair
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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