It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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