Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
