dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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