people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
