Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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