Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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