Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
