i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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