what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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