Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
