i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
