stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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