Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
