your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
