dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We were destined to go to rehab together
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
