You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
