HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
