Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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