I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize