dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
