Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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