I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
