I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
