did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
