Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
