erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
