i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
