all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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