If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
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