Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize