so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
send nudes
from the living room?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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