Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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