Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
