On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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