I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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