every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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