I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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