brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I supernannyed him into submission
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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