My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
