so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
