It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
