I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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