We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
