I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
