eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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