she was so not down for the gang bang
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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