i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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