She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
