Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
