Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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