3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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