I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
