wrigley field is MILF paradise
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
