hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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