I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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