the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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