you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
