I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
