I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
