See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
