yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
