I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
