seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
