Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
