Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
