There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
