Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
