I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
