Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just want nice things and good sex
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
