This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize